So, I'm at my mom's house up in Cook County, staying in my old room. Oh goodness, it hasn't changed at all. The dust strong from the ceiling that I haven't cleaned since when I was about 7 years old is still there.
My family is around - my sister right now is in the bathroom taking a shower and mom is in the living room playing on the computer. Oh, good god. My little sister is graduating soon, and she's grown up so much. Though, same old, same old when it comes to singing in the shower. Just, now it's Glee instead of Aaron Carter or something.
God, I love her.
I saw my dad today, and we went to brunch and all. Oh, we had fun playing Oblivion, which he's glued to.
And David met my mom during high school plenty of times, so yeah. This weekend has been fun... but tomorrow I'm heading back early in the morning to get back to work by noon. Oh, next entry will probably be about more about the relationship between David and I rather than updates. Hot double-virgin sex at 20/21, fuck yeah.
Ryan
13.3.11
6.3.11
Game Play
Time for an update on my sex life! Fun, right?
I... have never had sex. I'm still a virgin, at 20. Which, isn't bad. I saved myself from the bastard in high school. I've only gotten drunk once, happily, and it was fun. I got oral that night, and I liked it a lot, so it's been on my mind lately.
So, David and I were talking yesterday as we laid in bed (we were going to go watch a community play, but I didn't want to go because it was close to 15 bucks a person... and I didn't want to) just talking and wrestling playfully, and we get on the topic of sex, and if/when we want to, etc., etc... And I tell him about my experience. I mean, it's not so bad, talking about my sex life, but I get embarrassed really easily.
Now, my last boyfriend, the ring-guy who's still angry at me, was afraid of oral sex; receiving and giving. He was kind of picky about what went in his mouth, and his last experience with oral sex, the girl had bit him hard enough to make him bleed. He got the nickname "bite-marks" after that leaked out, and he still gets teased about it.
And so, the topic of oral sex came up, and we figured that we both wanted it. But, after a while, he just got really frustrated and started to squeeze me around the torso, then said something along the lines of, "I fucking hate your period, I want to give you it now."
... And I just couldn't stop smiling. Like, ditzy-smile. Really ditzy.
... Yeah.
Hehe.
Ryan
I... have never had sex. I'm still a virgin, at 20. Which, isn't bad. I saved myself from the bastard in high school. I've only gotten drunk once, happily, and it was fun. I got oral that night, and I liked it a lot, so it's been on my mind lately.
So, David and I were talking yesterday as we laid in bed (we were going to go watch a community play, but I didn't want to go because it was close to 15 bucks a person... and I didn't want to) just talking and wrestling playfully, and we get on the topic of sex, and if/when we want to, etc., etc... And I tell him about my experience. I mean, it's not so bad, talking about my sex life, but I get embarrassed really easily.
Now, my last boyfriend, the ring-guy who's still angry at me, was afraid of oral sex; receiving and giving. He was kind of picky about what went in his mouth, and his last experience with oral sex, the girl had bit him hard enough to make him bleed. He got the nickname "bite-marks" after that leaked out, and he still gets teased about it.
And so, the topic of oral sex came up, and we figured that we both wanted it. But, after a while, he just got really frustrated and started to squeeze me around the torso, then said something along the lines of, "I fucking hate your period, I want to give you it now."
... And I just couldn't stop smiling. Like, ditzy-smile. Really ditzy.
... Yeah.
Hehe.
Ryan
5.3.11
My Lil' Rockstar
Last night was awesome.
Around 3:50, David had a doctor's appointment for his shoulder; turns out he has tendinitis and needs physical therapy to help it. After he was done with that, we hung out with my older sister for a while at her house, letting him and her get to know each other. Around 5, when my mom got back into town, my younger sister, my mom, my older sister and her husband, David and I went to dinner. We had a nice time, but David was quiet, but that's just how he is.
After that, we went to the gig for Max and his band.
There was a younger group, and then Max's group. They played three songs each, and it was quite the time. My ex was there with David's stalker, though. And.. eh, that wasn't so nice. But I saw my dad, and got to see Max enjoy himself. So, it was interesting, to say the least.
After that, I got my arm signed by Max to make him feel good, and still have it. After that, David stayed at my house until around 10... we talked, and that was it. He made me smile. We got to know each other. It was nice. So nice.
This morning, I got up around 9:30, and went down the same place where the gig was last night and helped my friend Stef with letting kids paint. They were painting Jackson Pollock style, with the splatter painting and things. They came up and painted on this really giant canvas, and it was so cute.
After that, I went to breakfast with my family, not David this time, and then we went to do errands together... Not and exciting morning, but I'm happy. I'm really happy.
For once. I'm happy with me.
Ryan
Around 3:50, David had a doctor's appointment for his shoulder; turns out he has tendinitis and needs physical therapy to help it. After he was done with that, we hung out with my older sister for a while at her house, letting him and her get to know each other. Around 5, when my mom got back into town, my younger sister, my mom, my older sister and her husband, David and I went to dinner. We had a nice time, but David was quiet, but that's just how he is.
After that, we went to the gig for Max and his band.
There was a younger group, and then Max's group. They played three songs each, and it was quite the time. My ex was there with David's stalker, though. And.. eh, that wasn't so nice. But I saw my dad, and got to see Max enjoy himself. So, it was interesting, to say the least.
After that, I got my arm signed by Max to make him feel good, and still have it. After that, David stayed at my house until around 10... we talked, and that was it. He made me smile. We got to know each other. It was nice. So nice.
This morning, I got up around 9:30, and went down the same place where the gig was last night and helped my friend Stef with letting kids paint. They were painting Jackson Pollock style, with the splatter painting and things. They came up and painted on this really giant canvas, and it was so cute.
After that, I went to breakfast with my family, not David this time, and then we went to do errands together... Not and exciting morning, but I'm happy. I'm really happy.
For once. I'm happy with me.
Ryan
3.3.11
Megaphone!
Lovely. Just lovely.
As soon as I think all my old high school drama is over, it's back again.
I hate drama. It makes me have anxiety attacks. And my anxiety attacks aren't the ones all people are used to: the ones where you begin to breath and break under stress, start getting frustrated and angry, maybe throw a few things in severe cases.
No. My anxiety becomes dormant within me. I get quiet. Sad. Looking tired. Giving me aches and pains everywhere, and making me think of the worst possible scenarios. Max kills himself. David gets into a car accident. Casey's mom finally snaps and kills her family after having an incestuous moment with her son. Something of that sort usually comes to mind every few seconds. Something new, every time. Get raped in an alley. Have the baby. Rip internal organs. Never be able to have kids again.
That type of thing, never having a family of my own, would kill me. It scares me now.
The ex. The kid with the ring, a few posts ago, in Cleaning Out the Closet. You know, the guy with no interest in me. Of course, once I date his best friend from high school, he comes up to me and tells me he would like together sometime to hang out. Finding me in the market and talking to me while we shop. He was hitting on me. Liking me. Slowly getting back those feelings for the girl who changed his perspective about people with depression and who wanted to kill themselves for being bullied by scene jerks who had a drug addiction in Georgia, or because her parents got a divorce half-way through the relationship. He liked me for that reason: I wasn't another shallow bitch who had a thing for three tons of makeup. I liked flamethrowers, and video games, and zeppelins. I liked watching games, and playing pool with the family. Though, I was shy, everyone had their problems. And I gave damn good back massages.
Though I didn't mind having a friend again, having a reason to get out of the house, this is bad. He didn't know I was dating David. He didn't know that I had no interest in getting back together with him, even if I wasn't with David. Reasons?
So, I had David tell him today. And he texts me, and says what?
"Lier".
Now, excuse me, but I did no such thing. I lead him on, yes. I deceived him, yes. But no lying was done here. And, excuse me again, but just because, it's spelled L-I-A-R.
He's not talking to me. He's angry with me, and he refuses to hate me. Not like I care that he's not talking to me, it's just that he can't make up his mind. He never can. Never could.
On a happier note, I'm helping David with things around his apartment. Cleaning his car, helping him with laundry. We've been watching movies together, and tomorrow we're going to Max's gig with his band. I can't wait to see how it goes. Helping him with his hair and picking out clothes tomorrow. I love that kid so much. He's my baby. My favorite baby.
He's very self conscious though, which makes me worried. So very worried. He's amazing on the guitar and the piano.
With David, we've been getting stuff done. Going places. I met his parents while we were in school. All of our family knows of our relationship. The first thing his mother said when he told her was "The girl who cut herself." Ah, depression during teens. I would much rather not return there. Ever. On the car ride up to where his parents live, though, since he drives fast and all, we got onto the topic of his driving. I learn a lot from watching him drive. He always holds my hands in the car, the crappy, red VW that's a stick shift. Anyway, what he said surprised me.
"I don't like going over 60, 70 when others are in the car. I don't want to get into an accident and survive while somebody else dies. It's okay if I die."
When you think about it, it makes sense. Not wanting to kill anyone else in an accident. But I never took him to be the guy who cared. Who really thought about that type of stuff. I never thought about that kind of thing, never in my life. It hit me really hard. I just kind of grabbed his hand a bit harder, and he looked at me and read my mind, like usual. "Never thought I'd be thinking about that, huh?" I said something across the lines of "No, not really," but I really wanted to call him an ass for knowing what I was thinking.
After the whole being re-introduced again, we headed out to go back home... And we were holding hands again. I was feeling the structure of his hand, when I just stopped, and he looked at me. I just started to feel bad, and thought of all these bad things that would happen. If he was dead. If he was gone.
"I don't want you to die."
"I know you don't."
Question for the Audience: Is it too soon to be thinking like that? Is it too soon to be thinking sexually of him? Is it too soon to be thinking I love him?
It's late, and I have to take a shower.
Ryan
As soon as I think all my old high school drama is over, it's back again.
I hate drama. It makes me have anxiety attacks. And my anxiety attacks aren't the ones all people are used to: the ones where you begin to breath and break under stress, start getting frustrated and angry, maybe throw a few things in severe cases.
No. My anxiety becomes dormant within me. I get quiet. Sad. Looking tired. Giving me aches and pains everywhere, and making me think of the worst possible scenarios. Max kills himself. David gets into a car accident. Casey's mom finally snaps and kills her family after having an incestuous moment with her son. Something of that sort usually comes to mind every few seconds. Something new, every time. Get raped in an alley. Have the baby. Rip internal organs. Never be able to have kids again.
That type of thing, never having a family of my own, would kill me. It scares me now.
The ex. The kid with the ring, a few posts ago, in Cleaning Out the Closet. You know, the guy with no interest in me. Of course, once I date his best friend from high school, he comes up to me and tells me he would like together sometime to hang out. Finding me in the market and talking to me while we shop. He was hitting on me. Liking me. Slowly getting back those feelings for the girl who changed his perspective about people with depression and who wanted to kill themselves for being bullied by scene jerks who had a drug addiction in Georgia, or because her parents got a divorce half-way through the relationship. He liked me for that reason: I wasn't another shallow bitch who had a thing for three tons of makeup. I liked flamethrowers, and video games, and zeppelins. I liked watching games, and playing pool with the family. Though, I was shy, everyone had their problems. And I gave damn good back massages.
Though I didn't mind having a friend again, having a reason to get out of the house, this is bad. He didn't know I was dating David. He didn't know that I had no interest in getting back together with him, even if I wasn't with David. Reasons?
- He was a complete and utter jerk
- He didn't appreciate when I had time for him.
- I had nothing to do when he and I were together.
- At first, all he wanted me for was for sex.
So, I had David tell him today. And he texts me, and says what?
"Lier".
Now, excuse me, but I did no such thing. I lead him on, yes. I deceived him, yes. But no lying was done here. And, excuse me again, but just because, it's spelled L-I-A-R.
He's not talking to me. He's angry with me, and he refuses to hate me. Not like I care that he's not talking to me, it's just that he can't make up his mind. He never can. Never could.
On a happier note, I'm helping David with things around his apartment. Cleaning his car, helping him with laundry. We've been watching movies together, and tomorrow we're going to Max's gig with his band. I can't wait to see how it goes. Helping him with his hair and picking out clothes tomorrow. I love that kid so much. He's my baby. My favorite baby.
He's very self conscious though, which makes me worried. So very worried. He's amazing on the guitar and the piano.
With David, we've been getting stuff done. Going places. I met his parents while we were in school. All of our family knows of our relationship. The first thing his mother said when he told her was "The girl who cut herself." Ah, depression during teens. I would much rather not return there. Ever. On the car ride up to where his parents live, though, since he drives fast and all, we got onto the topic of his driving. I learn a lot from watching him drive. He always holds my hands in the car, the crappy, red VW that's a stick shift. Anyway, what he said surprised me.
"I don't like going over 60, 70 when others are in the car. I don't want to get into an accident and survive while somebody else dies. It's okay if I die."
When you think about it, it makes sense. Not wanting to kill anyone else in an accident. But I never took him to be the guy who cared. Who really thought about that type of stuff. I never thought about that kind of thing, never in my life. It hit me really hard. I just kind of grabbed his hand a bit harder, and he looked at me and read my mind, like usual. "Never thought I'd be thinking about that, huh?" I said something across the lines of "No, not really," but I really wanted to call him an ass for knowing what I was thinking.
After the whole being re-introduced again, we headed out to go back home... And we were holding hands again. I was feeling the structure of his hand, when I just stopped, and he looked at me. I just started to feel bad, and thought of all these bad things that would happen. If he was dead. If he was gone.
"I don't want you to die."
"I know you don't."
Question for the Audience: Is it too soon to be thinking like that? Is it too soon to be thinking sexually of him? Is it too soon to be thinking I love him?
It's late, and I have to take a shower.
Ryan
1.3.11
I Feel Pretty... Oh-So Pretty...
And so, the adventure begins.
Life has been better.
So, so much better.
I'm really happy it's been better, too.
The boyfriend and I are hanging out together, and I'm thinking of taking him to Max's gig on Friday. Mmm, getting in free because of friends. <3 I love that kid so much.
Speaking of, he and I have been getting along so well lately. Ahh, he's so sweet. I'm like his mother, just younger. Hehe.
Anyway, it's late, and I have to get up in the morning.
I'll update a little bit more tomorrow.
Ryan
Life has been better.
So, so much better.
I'm really happy it's been better, too.
The boyfriend and I are hanging out together, and I'm thinking of taking him to Max's gig on Friday. Mmm, getting in free because of friends. <3 I love that kid so much.
Speaking of, he and I have been getting along so well lately. Ahh, he's so sweet. I'm like his mother, just younger. Hehe.
Anyway, it's late, and I have to get up in the morning.
I'll update a little bit more tomorrow.
Ryan
27.2.11
Nothing Out of the Ordinary
Didn't update yesterday. Don't know why exactly.
Nothing has been happening; nothing... too important anyway.
It's a good peace, though. Nice time being alone. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more to say.
Ryan
Nothing has been happening; nothing... too important anyway.
It's a good peace, though. Nice time being alone. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more to say.
Ryan
25.2.11
Gaia Online
I know it's pretty lame of me, almost 21 and all, and having a kids forum site, but it's something to do with my time in the wee hours of the morning.
If you guys want to find me, you can find me under the username Mistress Zipper.
I've been doing little sketches and stuff for people I like... Like this one:
This one was for Guns go PEW PEW who gave me a voice clip saying "Hi, Mistress Zipper!" in return. It was really cute. I love accents.
I also drew my Avi, which wasn't as great...
But still cute.
But yeah, find me on there if you want!
Ryan
If you guys want to find me, you can find me under the username Mistress Zipper.
I've been doing little sketches and stuff for people I like... Like this one:
I also drew my Avi, which wasn't as great...
But yeah, find me on there if you want!
Ryan
What a Sight to See!
Ryan has a boyfriend, Ryan has a boyfriend, na, na, na-na, na!
Oh, God, I know. Most exciting thing that's been happening in my life for a while now. I just hope it gets rolling soon. I'll mark it down on my calender... once I get my calender up. Of some native place in Minnesota I got from my mom... Grand Portage. Pretty place, used to go to church there, hang with my friends, go fishing in the marina... My friend Casey, her girlfriend Lauren and I went down the marina to fish one time, and there was this one persistent fish that made me so frustrated, I literally sat down there on the dock, in the rain, fishing until I got the damned thing.
Took the bastard home in a plastic bag, hit it on the ground a few times. I was sooo excited. Casey thought I was a freak. I screamed at the cars that were going by how I caught my first Indian fish (excuse my racism, I was young), and probably would never catch one again.
Speaking of fishing, I'm hoping to go this summer. Any time. Maybe with David (the boyfriend that I told you about in a recent entry, Define "Naughty") and Max (also in said entry). Maybe Max won't be angry at me! What a wonder to behold, him not being angry... I even painted a picture of one of his senior pictures last night because we got in a fight. I felt really bad, and so I took the thing off of Facebook and painted it.
I took this with my phone, so I hope you don't mind the blurriness.
I'll get a better picture up if wanted. Leave a comment if you do or not!
Painting helps me feel better about myself, and my situation. I don't know if any of you can relate to that, but it does help. It always has helped.
Maybe it does help some of you, to get your artistic emotions out on paper, or canvas. Maybe even writing it out, like I do sometimes. Hell, if I'm in the mood, I'll go for a walk around the town, or go to the nearest park with a basketball and shoot some hoops -- the school gym even!
I guess I'm just saying, get it out. Scream, punch a pillow, get angry and happy. Don't be afraid to breath that special way so you don't annoy your partner -- boy, girl, or "it." They don't care. If David doesn't care that I sit on him just to feel his rib cage, or draw mental lines on his face to figure out his proportions, so then I could figure out the size of... ahem, "something else?" Your partner doesn't care. In fact, they probably think it's cute, the quirky things that you do.
Don't put yourself down, in any way. Because you're better than that.
And if your partner does treat you like you're a nuisance? Kick 'em out! They don't deserve you. Because you -- yes, you -- are awesome.
Max, if you're reading this, I love you, and always will. Really.
Ryan
Oh, God, I know. Most exciting thing that's been happening in my life for a while now. I just hope it gets rolling soon. I'll mark it down on my calender... once I get my calender up. Of some native place in Minnesota I got from my mom... Grand Portage. Pretty place, used to go to church there, hang with my friends, go fishing in the marina... My friend Casey, her girlfriend Lauren and I went down the marina to fish one time, and there was this one persistent fish that made me so frustrated, I literally sat down there on the dock, in the rain, fishing until I got the damned thing.
Took the bastard home in a plastic bag, hit it on the ground a few times. I was sooo excited. Casey thought I was a freak. I screamed at the cars that were going by how I caught my first Indian fish (excuse my racism, I was young), and probably would never catch one again.
Speaking of fishing, I'm hoping to go this summer. Any time. Maybe with David (the boyfriend that I told you about in a recent entry, Define "Naughty") and Max (also in said entry). Maybe Max won't be angry at me! What a wonder to behold, him not being angry... I even painted a picture of one of his senior pictures last night because we got in a fight. I felt really bad, and so I took the thing off of Facebook and painted it.
I took this with my phone, so I hope you don't mind the blurriness.
I'll get a better picture up if wanted. Leave a comment if you do or not!
Painting helps me feel better about myself, and my situation. I don't know if any of you can relate to that, but it does help. It always has helped.
Maybe it does help some of you, to get your artistic emotions out on paper, or canvas. Maybe even writing it out, like I do sometimes. Hell, if I'm in the mood, I'll go for a walk around the town, or go to the nearest park with a basketball and shoot some hoops -- the school gym even!
I guess I'm just saying, get it out. Scream, punch a pillow, get angry and happy. Don't be afraid to breath that special way so you don't annoy your partner -- boy, girl, or "it." They don't care. If David doesn't care that I sit on him just to feel his rib cage, or draw mental lines on his face to figure out his proportions, so then I could figure out the size of... ahem, "something else?" Your partner doesn't care. In fact, they probably think it's cute, the quirky things that you do.
Don't put yourself down, in any way. Because you're better than that.
And if your partner does treat you like you're a nuisance? Kick 'em out! They don't deserve you. Because you -- yes, you -- are awesome.
Max, if you're reading this, I love you, and always will. Really.
Ryan
24.2.11
Beat It
I finally finished my game of Fable on the computer about five minutes ago. It took me 18 hours and 18 minutes, and I only lost one life during the final battle! Hot damn, I'm good.
I'm thinking of going back and redoing a lot of it, maybe finishing up some quests I didn't, so I get more money. Sad that you can't have kids in that game, or else I would have a lot. I have like, 3 wives, and one of them is a man. I gotta say, I'm pretty pimping with my Snowspire tattoo and my wrinkles, since I'm like, 60 and shit. I got my really heavy-duty armor, and I'm so good butterflies follow me around. I don't even try to do good. I'm just a good person. I kill tons of people, and then people are like "OH, YOU'RE SO AMAZING, PLEASE COME TO OUR TOWN AND MARRY OUR WOMEN!"
Fuck yeah, I'm amazing.
Ryan
I'm thinking of going back and redoing a lot of it, maybe finishing up some quests I didn't, so I get more money. Sad that you can't have kids in that game, or else I would have a lot. I have like, 3 wives, and one of them is a man. I gotta say, I'm pretty pimping with my Snowspire tattoo and my wrinkles, since I'm like, 60 and shit. I got my really heavy-duty armor, and I'm so good butterflies follow me around. I don't even try to do good. I'm just a good person. I kill tons of people, and then people are like "OH, YOU'RE SO AMAZING, PLEASE COME TO OUR TOWN AND MARRY OUR WOMEN!"
Fuck yeah, I'm amazing.
Ryan
23.2.11
Something Surprising
Nothing. Has. Happened. For the past. 24 hours.
I got sick yesterday, and didn't see my friends. I got bit my cat. I went grocery shopping to get some apple juice, Dr. Pepper, and plums. To go hand-in-hand with that, I watched some YouTube vlog videos, and... that's about it.
Wow, my life sucks.
Hah, what life?
Ryan
I got sick yesterday, and didn't see my friends. I got bit my cat. I went grocery shopping to get some apple juice, Dr. Pepper, and plums. To go hand-in-hand with that, I watched some YouTube vlog videos, and... that's about it.
Wow, my life sucks.
Hah, what life?
Ryan
22.2.11
Define "Naughty"
This cleaning job is really getting on my nerves. I'm thinking of getting a new one. I'll be sure to look around. Maybe in the newspaper or something...
In other news, I've met this guy. He's a really nice guy, and... we're not dating yet, but he's out on an ice fishing trip with another one of my guy friends until Thursday, and he'll think about it until then, if he wants to go on a date with me or something. I met him through said friend, and his name is David. The friend's name is Max.
We've only been really "seeing" each other, or whatever you want to call it, for a few weeks. There's this girl who's stalking him who's totally been on my ass the time we've been spending together. When I say stalking, I mean it. She wants to know everything he does, and it's... insane, really. It would scare the crap out of me if I had a girl texting me all the time and talking to all her friends about me. Ugh. I don't understand it.
To the conclusion of a possible boyfriend, we've been practically inseparable. We smile at each other a lot, and we do a lot of things together. We're in this "club" (I guess we can call it that for now) at the local school near where we live, and we sit next to each other a lot. I feel like a teenage girl again, all giggly inside and shit. It makes me feel... like I actually have a life.
Ha! Like that would ever happen, lying here in bed, waiting for him to come back.
Late for work. Gotta ship off.
Ryan
In other news, I've met this guy. He's a really nice guy, and... we're not dating yet, but he's out on an ice fishing trip with another one of my guy friends until Thursday, and he'll think about it until then, if he wants to go on a date with me or something. I met him through said friend, and his name is David. The friend's name is Max.
We've only been really "seeing" each other, or whatever you want to call it, for a few weeks. There's this girl who's stalking him who's totally been on my ass the time we've been spending together. When I say stalking, I mean it. She wants to know everything he does, and it's... insane, really. It would scare the crap out of me if I had a girl texting me all the time and talking to all her friends about me. Ugh. I don't understand it.
To the conclusion of a possible boyfriend, we've been practically inseparable. We smile at each other a lot, and we do a lot of things together. We're in this "club" (I guess we can call it that for now) at the local school near where we live, and we sit next to each other a lot. I feel like a teenage girl again, all giggly inside and shit. It makes me feel... like I actually have a life.
Ha! Like that would ever happen, lying here in bed, waiting for him to come back.
Late for work. Gotta ship off.
Ryan
20.2.11
Back in Action
Found the cable, finally. Cleaned almost the entire house trying to find it. I should probably stop leaving my socks in the living room (that's where I found it, buried under all those damn socks).
Hooray for tons of naps, though.
Ryan
Hooray for tons of naps, though.
Ryan
13.2.11
Grit Your Teeth and Push Through
So, the ex came over today after replying on Facebook. He didn't want to chat. He just wanted it and went (it was a 300 dollar ring, I could understand) back home. We didn't really say anything. I was just about to leave to go help that friend out, and he came over.
I didn't like seeing him. He made me feel sick. But I had a nice time with my friend, and we worked on some things. I feel like I actually did something today.
I'll just watch Employee of the Month now, and finish my day with a nice, cheap dinner.
Ryan
I didn't like seeing him. He made me feel sick. But I had a nice time with my friend, and we worked on some things. I feel like I actually did something today.
I'll just watch Employee of the Month now, and finish my day with a nice, cheap dinner.
Ryan
Cleaning Out the Closet
Starting this blog actually has lead me to do some really good stuff for myself. I started to clean, and use that vacuum in the closet that's been sitting and collecting dust for the past few months. I never knew how much hair a couch can collect with a dog and a cat! To tell you the truth, it was kind of disgusting.
But in better news, I'm finally cleaning out my memory box. I used to have my first serious relationship's class ring and necklace that I wore all the time. I'm planning to give it back to him. I contacted him on Facebook this morning, and I haven't gotten a reply yet, but I'm sure he's somewhere in the area. I told him he could come get his class ring and his necklace (if he wanted) at my address, and we could catch up and chat. Maybe go for lunch. Hopefully, I'll get a reply by the end of this week.
On the other hand, I'm not looking forward to seeing my ex. He was one of the hottest, most charming guys at school, and everyone wanted to either date him, or were friends with him. He was not on the muscular side, but he was thin, and had a thing about his weight (very self conscious) that I didn't like. He always called himself fat. We broke up in 10th grade, after a year and a half of being together, and I don't want to see him for personal reasons. Most of it is just how I ended up being because of depression and some... bad choices.
I have to head off to a friend's to help her with stuff.
Ryan
But in better news, I'm finally cleaning out my memory box. I used to have my first serious relationship's class ring and necklace that I wore all the time. I'm planning to give it back to him. I contacted him on Facebook this morning, and I haven't gotten a reply yet, but I'm sure he's somewhere in the area. I told him he could come get his class ring and his necklace (if he wanted) at my address, and we could catch up and chat. Maybe go for lunch. Hopefully, I'll get a reply by the end of this week.
On the other hand, I'm not looking forward to seeing my ex. He was one of the hottest, most charming guys at school, and everyone wanted to either date him, or were friends with him. He was not on the muscular side, but he was thin, and had a thing about his weight (very self conscious) that I didn't like. He always called himself fat. We broke up in 10th grade, after a year and a half of being together, and I don't want to see him for personal reasons. Most of it is just how I ended up being because of depression and some... bad choices.
I have to head off to a friend's to help her with stuff.
Ryan
12.2.11
The Thing About Love...
Love's a bitch. Love is destructive, and selfish. But we can't ever change it, or the course of how it is, how it happens, what it does to our molecular and chemical balances. Don't even start me on hormones.
And for some reason, love is one of the easiest (at least in the top five) things to fall into. It's like tripping over a string, and falling head first onto a grenade, waiting to explode. Sometimes, it doesn't explode, but usually, most times, it does.
Ryan
And for some reason, love is one of the easiest (at least in the top five) things to fall into. It's like tripping over a string, and falling head first onto a grenade, waiting to explode. Sometimes, it doesn't explode, but usually, most times, it does.
Ryan
11.2.11
I Don't Like Loud Noises
Now that I think about it, I don't like any type of noise right now.
Maybe it's a sign.
Ryan
Maybe it's a sign.
Ryan
First Date
I guess this is like a first date, a first date with a blog, if you will.
I am Ryan. I have a dog, a cat, a million fish, and I am a girl. Silly unisex names.
I often see myself at this age, the ripe old age of 20, almost 21, settled down in a nice apartment somewhere with a nice, loving boyfriend, in college, and not sitting on my ass with a shitty cleaning job for my sister, and definitely not single. Not calling myself a looker or anything, but sitting here and looking back into the gloomy days of high school, I did have quite a few incidences where guys had told me I'm more than just "cute."
Yet, still here I sit, with a few good friends, shitty-grade make up, and petting my cat in my Ham Run tee from up the Gunflint Trail in Minnesota, and a pair of jeans I wore all through today.
God, I need a life.
Ryan
I am Ryan. I have a dog, a cat, a million fish, and I am a girl. Silly unisex names.
I often see myself at this age, the ripe old age of 20, almost 21, settled down in a nice apartment somewhere with a nice, loving boyfriend, in college, and not sitting on my ass with a shitty cleaning job for my sister, and definitely not single. Not calling myself a looker or anything, but sitting here and looking back into the gloomy days of high school, I did have quite a few incidences where guys had told me I'm more than just "cute."
Yet, still here I sit, with a few good friends, shitty-grade make up, and petting my cat in my Ham Run tee from up the Gunflint Trail in Minnesota, and a pair of jeans I wore all through today.
God, I need a life.
Ryan
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