So, I'm at my mom's house up in Cook County, staying in my old room. Oh goodness, it hasn't changed at all. The dust strong from the ceiling that I haven't cleaned since when I was about 7 years old is still there.
My family is around - my sister right now is in the bathroom taking a shower and mom is in the living room playing on the computer. Oh, good god. My little sister is graduating soon, and she's grown up so much. Though, same old, same old when it comes to singing in the shower. Just, now it's Glee instead of Aaron Carter or something.
God, I love her.
I saw my dad today, and we went to brunch and all. Oh, we had fun playing Oblivion, which he's glued to.
And David met my mom during high school plenty of times, so yeah. This weekend has been fun... but tomorrow I'm heading back early in the morning to get back to work by noon. Oh, next entry will probably be about more about the relationship between David and I rather than updates. Hot double-virgin sex at 20/21, fuck yeah.
Ryan
13.3.11
6.3.11
Game Play
Time for an update on my sex life! Fun, right?
I... have never had sex. I'm still a virgin, at 20. Which, isn't bad. I saved myself from the bastard in high school. I've only gotten drunk once, happily, and it was fun. I got oral that night, and I liked it a lot, so it's been on my mind lately.
So, David and I were talking yesterday as we laid in bed (we were going to go watch a community play, but I didn't want to go because it was close to 15 bucks a person... and I didn't want to) just talking and wrestling playfully, and we get on the topic of sex, and if/when we want to, etc., etc... And I tell him about my experience. I mean, it's not so bad, talking about my sex life, but I get embarrassed really easily.
Now, my last boyfriend, the ring-guy who's still angry at me, was afraid of oral sex; receiving and giving. He was kind of picky about what went in his mouth, and his last experience with oral sex, the girl had bit him hard enough to make him bleed. He got the nickname "bite-marks" after that leaked out, and he still gets teased about it.
And so, the topic of oral sex came up, and we figured that we both wanted it. But, after a while, he just got really frustrated and started to squeeze me around the torso, then said something along the lines of, "I fucking hate your period, I want to give you it now."
... And I just couldn't stop smiling. Like, ditzy-smile. Really ditzy.
... Yeah.
Hehe.
Ryan
I... have never had sex. I'm still a virgin, at 20. Which, isn't bad. I saved myself from the bastard in high school. I've only gotten drunk once, happily, and it was fun. I got oral that night, and I liked it a lot, so it's been on my mind lately.
So, David and I were talking yesterday as we laid in bed (we were going to go watch a community play, but I didn't want to go because it was close to 15 bucks a person... and I didn't want to) just talking and wrestling playfully, and we get on the topic of sex, and if/when we want to, etc., etc... And I tell him about my experience. I mean, it's not so bad, talking about my sex life, but I get embarrassed really easily.
Now, my last boyfriend, the ring-guy who's still angry at me, was afraid of oral sex; receiving and giving. He was kind of picky about what went in his mouth, and his last experience with oral sex, the girl had bit him hard enough to make him bleed. He got the nickname "bite-marks" after that leaked out, and he still gets teased about it.
And so, the topic of oral sex came up, and we figured that we both wanted it. But, after a while, he just got really frustrated and started to squeeze me around the torso, then said something along the lines of, "I fucking hate your period, I want to give you it now."
... And I just couldn't stop smiling. Like, ditzy-smile. Really ditzy.
... Yeah.
Hehe.
Ryan
5.3.11
My Lil' Rockstar
Last night was awesome.
Around 3:50, David had a doctor's appointment for his shoulder; turns out he has tendinitis and needs physical therapy to help it. After he was done with that, we hung out with my older sister for a while at her house, letting him and her get to know each other. Around 5, when my mom got back into town, my younger sister, my mom, my older sister and her husband, David and I went to dinner. We had a nice time, but David was quiet, but that's just how he is.
After that, we went to the gig for Max and his band.
There was a younger group, and then Max's group. They played three songs each, and it was quite the time. My ex was there with David's stalker, though. And.. eh, that wasn't so nice. But I saw my dad, and got to see Max enjoy himself. So, it was interesting, to say the least.
After that, I got my arm signed by Max to make him feel good, and still have it. After that, David stayed at my house until around 10... we talked, and that was it. He made me smile. We got to know each other. It was nice. So nice.
This morning, I got up around 9:30, and went down the same place where the gig was last night and helped my friend Stef with letting kids paint. They were painting Jackson Pollock style, with the splatter painting and things. They came up and painted on this really giant canvas, and it was so cute.
After that, I went to breakfast with my family, not David this time, and then we went to do errands together... Not and exciting morning, but I'm happy. I'm really happy.
For once. I'm happy with me.
Ryan
Around 3:50, David had a doctor's appointment for his shoulder; turns out he has tendinitis and needs physical therapy to help it. After he was done with that, we hung out with my older sister for a while at her house, letting him and her get to know each other. Around 5, when my mom got back into town, my younger sister, my mom, my older sister and her husband, David and I went to dinner. We had a nice time, but David was quiet, but that's just how he is.
After that, we went to the gig for Max and his band.
There was a younger group, and then Max's group. They played three songs each, and it was quite the time. My ex was there with David's stalker, though. And.. eh, that wasn't so nice. But I saw my dad, and got to see Max enjoy himself. So, it was interesting, to say the least.
After that, I got my arm signed by Max to make him feel good, and still have it. After that, David stayed at my house until around 10... we talked, and that was it. He made me smile. We got to know each other. It was nice. So nice.
This morning, I got up around 9:30, and went down the same place where the gig was last night and helped my friend Stef with letting kids paint. They were painting Jackson Pollock style, with the splatter painting and things. They came up and painted on this really giant canvas, and it was so cute.
After that, I went to breakfast with my family, not David this time, and then we went to do errands together... Not and exciting morning, but I'm happy. I'm really happy.
For once. I'm happy with me.
Ryan
3.3.11
Megaphone!
Lovely. Just lovely.
As soon as I think all my old high school drama is over, it's back again.
I hate drama. It makes me have anxiety attacks. And my anxiety attacks aren't the ones all people are used to: the ones where you begin to breath and break under stress, start getting frustrated and angry, maybe throw a few things in severe cases.
No. My anxiety becomes dormant within me. I get quiet. Sad. Looking tired. Giving me aches and pains everywhere, and making me think of the worst possible scenarios. Max kills himself. David gets into a car accident. Casey's mom finally snaps and kills her family after having an incestuous moment with her son. Something of that sort usually comes to mind every few seconds. Something new, every time. Get raped in an alley. Have the baby. Rip internal organs. Never be able to have kids again.
That type of thing, never having a family of my own, would kill me. It scares me now.
The ex. The kid with the ring, a few posts ago, in Cleaning Out the Closet. You know, the guy with no interest in me. Of course, once I date his best friend from high school, he comes up to me and tells me he would like together sometime to hang out. Finding me in the market and talking to me while we shop. He was hitting on me. Liking me. Slowly getting back those feelings for the girl who changed his perspective about people with depression and who wanted to kill themselves for being bullied by scene jerks who had a drug addiction in Georgia, or because her parents got a divorce half-way through the relationship. He liked me for that reason: I wasn't another shallow bitch who had a thing for three tons of makeup. I liked flamethrowers, and video games, and zeppelins. I liked watching games, and playing pool with the family. Though, I was shy, everyone had their problems. And I gave damn good back massages.
Though I didn't mind having a friend again, having a reason to get out of the house, this is bad. He didn't know I was dating David. He didn't know that I had no interest in getting back together with him, even if I wasn't with David. Reasons?
So, I had David tell him today. And he texts me, and says what?
"Lier".
Now, excuse me, but I did no such thing. I lead him on, yes. I deceived him, yes. But no lying was done here. And, excuse me again, but just because, it's spelled L-I-A-R.
He's not talking to me. He's angry with me, and he refuses to hate me. Not like I care that he's not talking to me, it's just that he can't make up his mind. He never can. Never could.
On a happier note, I'm helping David with things around his apartment. Cleaning his car, helping him with laundry. We've been watching movies together, and tomorrow we're going to Max's gig with his band. I can't wait to see how it goes. Helping him with his hair and picking out clothes tomorrow. I love that kid so much. He's my baby. My favorite baby.
He's very self conscious though, which makes me worried. So very worried. He's amazing on the guitar and the piano.
With David, we've been getting stuff done. Going places. I met his parents while we were in school. All of our family knows of our relationship. The first thing his mother said when he told her was "The girl who cut herself." Ah, depression during teens. I would much rather not return there. Ever. On the car ride up to where his parents live, though, since he drives fast and all, we got onto the topic of his driving. I learn a lot from watching him drive. He always holds my hands in the car, the crappy, red VW that's a stick shift. Anyway, what he said surprised me.
"I don't like going over 60, 70 when others are in the car. I don't want to get into an accident and survive while somebody else dies. It's okay if I die."
When you think about it, it makes sense. Not wanting to kill anyone else in an accident. But I never took him to be the guy who cared. Who really thought about that type of stuff. I never thought about that kind of thing, never in my life. It hit me really hard. I just kind of grabbed his hand a bit harder, and he looked at me and read my mind, like usual. "Never thought I'd be thinking about that, huh?" I said something across the lines of "No, not really," but I really wanted to call him an ass for knowing what I was thinking.
After the whole being re-introduced again, we headed out to go back home... And we were holding hands again. I was feeling the structure of his hand, when I just stopped, and he looked at me. I just started to feel bad, and thought of all these bad things that would happen. If he was dead. If he was gone.
"I don't want you to die."
"I know you don't."
Question for the Audience: Is it too soon to be thinking like that? Is it too soon to be thinking sexually of him? Is it too soon to be thinking I love him?
It's late, and I have to take a shower.
Ryan
As soon as I think all my old high school drama is over, it's back again.
I hate drama. It makes me have anxiety attacks. And my anxiety attacks aren't the ones all people are used to: the ones where you begin to breath and break under stress, start getting frustrated and angry, maybe throw a few things in severe cases.
No. My anxiety becomes dormant within me. I get quiet. Sad. Looking tired. Giving me aches and pains everywhere, and making me think of the worst possible scenarios. Max kills himself. David gets into a car accident. Casey's mom finally snaps and kills her family after having an incestuous moment with her son. Something of that sort usually comes to mind every few seconds. Something new, every time. Get raped in an alley. Have the baby. Rip internal organs. Never be able to have kids again.
That type of thing, never having a family of my own, would kill me. It scares me now.
The ex. The kid with the ring, a few posts ago, in Cleaning Out the Closet. You know, the guy with no interest in me. Of course, once I date his best friend from high school, he comes up to me and tells me he would like together sometime to hang out. Finding me in the market and talking to me while we shop. He was hitting on me. Liking me. Slowly getting back those feelings for the girl who changed his perspective about people with depression and who wanted to kill themselves for being bullied by scene jerks who had a drug addiction in Georgia, or because her parents got a divorce half-way through the relationship. He liked me for that reason: I wasn't another shallow bitch who had a thing for three tons of makeup. I liked flamethrowers, and video games, and zeppelins. I liked watching games, and playing pool with the family. Though, I was shy, everyone had their problems. And I gave damn good back massages.
Though I didn't mind having a friend again, having a reason to get out of the house, this is bad. He didn't know I was dating David. He didn't know that I had no interest in getting back together with him, even if I wasn't with David. Reasons?
- He was a complete and utter jerk
- He didn't appreciate when I had time for him.
- I had nothing to do when he and I were together.
- At first, all he wanted me for was for sex.
So, I had David tell him today. And he texts me, and says what?
"Lier".
Now, excuse me, but I did no such thing. I lead him on, yes. I deceived him, yes. But no lying was done here. And, excuse me again, but just because, it's spelled L-I-A-R.
He's not talking to me. He's angry with me, and he refuses to hate me. Not like I care that he's not talking to me, it's just that he can't make up his mind. He never can. Never could.
On a happier note, I'm helping David with things around his apartment. Cleaning his car, helping him with laundry. We've been watching movies together, and tomorrow we're going to Max's gig with his band. I can't wait to see how it goes. Helping him with his hair and picking out clothes tomorrow. I love that kid so much. He's my baby. My favorite baby.
He's very self conscious though, which makes me worried. So very worried. He's amazing on the guitar and the piano.
With David, we've been getting stuff done. Going places. I met his parents while we were in school. All of our family knows of our relationship. The first thing his mother said when he told her was "The girl who cut herself." Ah, depression during teens. I would much rather not return there. Ever. On the car ride up to where his parents live, though, since he drives fast and all, we got onto the topic of his driving. I learn a lot from watching him drive. He always holds my hands in the car, the crappy, red VW that's a stick shift. Anyway, what he said surprised me.
"I don't like going over 60, 70 when others are in the car. I don't want to get into an accident and survive while somebody else dies. It's okay if I die."
When you think about it, it makes sense. Not wanting to kill anyone else in an accident. But I never took him to be the guy who cared. Who really thought about that type of stuff. I never thought about that kind of thing, never in my life. It hit me really hard. I just kind of grabbed his hand a bit harder, and he looked at me and read my mind, like usual. "Never thought I'd be thinking about that, huh?" I said something across the lines of "No, not really," but I really wanted to call him an ass for knowing what I was thinking.
After the whole being re-introduced again, we headed out to go back home... And we were holding hands again. I was feeling the structure of his hand, when I just stopped, and he looked at me. I just started to feel bad, and thought of all these bad things that would happen. If he was dead. If he was gone.
"I don't want you to die."
"I know you don't."
Question for the Audience: Is it too soon to be thinking like that? Is it too soon to be thinking sexually of him? Is it too soon to be thinking I love him?
It's late, and I have to take a shower.
Ryan
1.3.11
I Feel Pretty... Oh-So Pretty...
And so, the adventure begins.
Life has been better.
So, so much better.
I'm really happy it's been better, too.
The boyfriend and I are hanging out together, and I'm thinking of taking him to Max's gig on Friday. Mmm, getting in free because of friends. <3 I love that kid so much.
Speaking of, he and I have been getting along so well lately. Ahh, he's so sweet. I'm like his mother, just younger. Hehe.
Anyway, it's late, and I have to get up in the morning.
I'll update a little bit more tomorrow.
Ryan
Life has been better.
So, so much better.
I'm really happy it's been better, too.
The boyfriend and I are hanging out together, and I'm thinking of taking him to Max's gig on Friday. Mmm, getting in free because of friends. <3 I love that kid so much.
Speaking of, he and I have been getting along so well lately. Ahh, he's so sweet. I'm like his mother, just younger. Hehe.
Anyway, it's late, and I have to get up in the morning.
I'll update a little bit more tomorrow.
Ryan
27.2.11
Nothing Out of the Ordinary
Didn't update yesterday. Don't know why exactly.
Nothing has been happening; nothing... too important anyway.
It's a good peace, though. Nice time being alone. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more to say.
Ryan
Nothing has been happening; nothing... too important anyway.
It's a good peace, though. Nice time being alone. Maybe tomorrow I'll have more to say.
Ryan
25.2.11
Gaia Online
I know it's pretty lame of me, almost 21 and all, and having a kids forum site, but it's something to do with my time in the wee hours of the morning.
If you guys want to find me, you can find me under the username Mistress Zipper.
I've been doing little sketches and stuff for people I like... Like this one:
This one was for Guns go PEW PEW who gave me a voice clip saying "Hi, Mistress Zipper!" in return. It was really cute. I love accents.
I also drew my Avi, which wasn't as great...
But still cute.
But yeah, find me on there if you want!
Ryan
If you guys want to find me, you can find me under the username Mistress Zipper.
I've been doing little sketches and stuff for people I like... Like this one:
I also drew my Avi, which wasn't as great...
But yeah, find me on there if you want!
Ryan
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